Everything becomes sharp, and you feel your nerves on fire. Your heart is beating, and you may or may not want to knock someone’s lights out. Let’s talk about that natural, primal emotion, fellow human: anger.

In an article in the American Psychological Association ‘Controlling Anger Before it Controls You’, Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist that eats, breathes, and sleeps the studying of anger defines it as “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.”

My experience with anger I feel can be likened to The Bard’s ‘Twelfth Night’ to some extent: it felt secretive, and as much as I would want to express how I felt, I didn’t want to hurt those around me. Shakespeare of course does what he does well, and a ‘happy ending’ comes about through exposing oneself and revealing the truth. If you can tolerate it, the film She’s the Man starring Amanda Bynes and Channing Tatum, adopts the story.

In my youth, through my immediate environment, I came to understand that anger only resulted in screaming, passive-aggressive attitudes, and uncontrolled rage. There was only one way anger could be expressed it seemed, and that was something I didn’t want to take with me. However, learning about it helps now.

The hiding of my emotions was based on assuming the other party, or parties wouldn’t be able to empathise, understand and/or accept me in that state, hindering the organic growth of the relationship. In the same breath, I didn’t think I could do the same for the other party, if things popped off. A part of that is suppression, something that will come up later in the blog.

What fascinates me about the human condition is that there are so many facets to who we are that fields of study are dedicated to learning to understand what motivates us on a moment to moment basis.

For a long long time thought that anger was a dangerous feeling, and if you let it in it’s a sin. I was also discouraged to express my anger in my family.

Then, as a young believer I tried to avoid anger, or if it showed up, I tried to get rid of it as soon as possible. Later in life, I came to use anger to fight back and try to defy my boundaries when I felt that my very identity, my right to be the man I am was denied. It gave me the enormous power that I needed in those days.

Anger is the fuel for your machine. But it’s true you may end up hating too strong and too long. Anger can lead to injuries of soul or poisonous attitude towards everything. I learned later that I can really let the feeling go when the phase of action is over, to look at it as well as other feelings that they are meant to fade away like waves in the lake or sea. The very simple and by nature automatic phenomenon of breathing of breathing in and breathing out. It’s so good a way to let the unneeded go when it’s time. Feelings are not goods that need to be stored.

Tapio, Finland

As with all our emotions, anger comes equipped with a tool-set designed to drive that emotion forward and bring us into action. Anger is a primal instinct designed to rise when we need to protect ourselves in order to survive.

However, anger can be a very destructive force if not processed healthily. It’s important to seek the help necessary should you feel you lose control of your anger.

I took points from the article that explain the different ways one can experience anger:

1. Expressing
   1. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
2. Suppressing
   1. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
   2. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger.
3. Calming
   1. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As time has gone on, and we socialise more and more with ourselves, how we navigate through anger has evolved, and continues to do so exponentially.

Anger is dangerous in my opinion. It blind-sights you and leaves you in a worse condition than before. It reminds me of a volcano. Molten magma in your core, and as it rises, it boils upwards, and outwards – causing a destructive eruption destroying everything around it.

That’s what anger did to me; my outbursts were so toxic that not only did I bun myself, I burned everyone around me. Time heals all wounds but the scars are there forever with anger, even with those you didn’t mean to harm.

It is the thief of joy and I refuse to allow such a force to overwhelm me anymore.

Tebogo, England

Returning to the matter of childhood, and our immediate surroundings we come to use them as reference points for how we interact with the world. These surroundings may cause trauma to the point where we are triggered to anger by certain kinds of people, circumstances, or environments.

If you’re are interested in reading about anger’s effects on little nuggets (children, mkay?), and how we grow up with them, I would encourage you to this article by Irene Lyon, a Nervous System and Trauma specialist.

The phrase time heals all wounds is categorically untrue when it comes to trauma. Trauma gets frozen and trapped in the body indefinitely. It does not heal itself, but can be healed.

Nick Fager, United States of America

Introducing trauma as a part of this I felt was important because trauma can be overlooked as a component that motivates anger. Fager, in an Instagram post, continues to say that ‘trauma gets held in the nervous system until it is addressed, and healed. When we go through something that completely overwhelms our system – when our typical fight or flight responses are not enough – our body protects us by going into freeze.’ This freeze state he refers to is being stuck in that moment of pain, and at times operating from that hurt whether consciously or unconsciously.

Due to personal issues that took place when I was young, growing up I had a lot of anger. As I have gotten older, I have managed to find ways to cope with my anger.

In recent years, I have described to people, my “cardinal rules”. Any violation of these rules, are usually what can get me angry the quickest.
Do not attack my family or friends.
Do not question my integrity.
Do not disrespect me through verbal or physical abuse.

Throughout my life, I have noticed that my anger has gotten in the way of personal relationships as well as professional. I usually countermand the stress and anger of life by:
Prayer and meditation
Listening to music
Jogging / Working Out
Photography
SLEEP (My favorite.)
Or hanging out with friends.

I also usually come up with mantra’s that help me through my day. Some of those mantra’s include:
I am awesome.
You have come this far. You can do it.
Just do it.
My ancestors are behind me every step of the way.
I have the power.

Even though I have been justified in many cases to be angry with life’s situations, I have learned over the last few years that it is better to just let it go. I am not saying that you must forget it, just do not make it a focus of your life. Because if you do, it will eat you up inside emotionally, mentally, and start destroying you physically.

William, Unites States of America

I cannot remember where I read this, but it spoke to how there is no such thing as a negative or positive emotion; it’s the action taken once that emotion is felt that makes it positive or negative. Food for thought. What do you think?

Anger, with that notion in mind has the capacity to protect us, and our loved ones from harm, or harness the will to rally people against injustice.

This post scratches the surface, but I hope that this has shed some light on anger, you recognise how you process it, and doesn’t leave you raging like a dungeon dragon.

A huge thank you to those who submitted their perspectives toward this post, y’all give me the warm fuzzies, and I appreciate you.

Featured image by Art by Lønfeldt from Pexels