Hello fellow human. I hope your week has been well. This week I wish to share one of the few encounters I’ve had with frustration. Albeit, this story doesn’t hit 10 on the Blood-Boil-O-Meter, but anyone that as ever been in a situation where nobody understands one another, knows there aren’t enough letters in the alphabet to describe how you feel, though you can come pretty close.

They say frustration is the unpleasant experience of one’s inability to complete a task or achieve a goal. I say, frustration is when anger, annoyance and anxiety collide.

According to scientists, when things collide with each other, they exchange energy. In the case of feelings, the negative energy from the collision causes us to blaming something or someone for feeling stuck, neglecting our own clumsiness, incompetence or ignorance.

When controlled however, frustration can lead to greater determination and drive to solve the case. Whether you realize it or not, most important milestones in life are achieved by overcoming frustration. The key is to let go of the unhealthy attachment to people, things and outcomes we wish we could control – the illusion that things could be different.

Gofaone, Botswana

I woke up to an empty room, quite late in the morning on account of the jet-lag. Why does Panama have to be so humid? I feel so damp. Angelo had already gone to school which meant I could make up my morning as I went along before joining him.

Angelo’s mum, Liliana (or Mama) must have heard I was awake. She knocked gently at the door, and waited for me at the bedrooms threshold. I made my way over to her, preoccupied with thoughts as to why humans would choose to live in such a humid region.

At the time, her Spanish and Italian was impeccable, and she only knew a few words in English. I thought that this was great for me because I studied Spanish for 2 years at boarding school, and I felt this ‘real life’ practice was perfect. It wasn’t perfect; my practical abilities were somewhere on the spectrum of ‘dumpster fire’, but I persevered. Be proud of me okay, fellow human?

Mama began by letting me know that breakfast was downstairs, and after breakfast she was going to the ???, and asked whether I wanted to join her. She looked up at me expectantly. I chewed the best version of a response, and what came out was a ‘thank you’ for the breakfast that was satisfactory. Now, let her know that you would like to stay at home. It’s hot outside, and you’re already 3 Negro-Shades darker.

“Quiero…stay here.” Suddenly ‘quedar’, the verb ‘to stay’ evaporated from my memory, and what followed was an awkward dance of a lanky fellow, in the middle of a hallway trying to express with his long arms and fingers that he would like to stay here.

“Qué? Qué quieres?” She watched me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. I was unable to understand why pointing down was not in fact the universal motion for ‘here’. It got harder and harder to express with each passing second. Angelo, in your code-switching at home, how have you never used ‘stay here’? 

Mama did this thing where she laughed, and waved both her hands in a ‘wait wait, okay okay’ motion, which lead me to believe we were both on the same page. Surprise! We weren’t.

Frustration for me is operating outside God’s promises about what he’ll do in your life. It’s the mortal ‘flesh me’, trying to do things in my mortal strength, and actually engaging it on a mortal level. It’s looking at, circumstance, relationships, situations, and trying in your mortal strength to make it make sense.

Frustration comes when you try in your mortal strength to make something that already doesn’t make sense make sense, and that, by principle, is operating outside of God’s peace.

Kelesitse, South Africa 

At this point I began to experience the budding biological symptoms we all feel whenever we go into a state of frustration. This cycle of processes is very similar to that of anger where both are used to heighten your awareness, and your brain is at the head (yes – I know) of this. The hormones released are adrenaline and noradrenaline whose primary effects are the surge of glucose all over your body, and an increased heartbeat in anticipation for action.

I’m quite different. The apex of my frustration comes in the form of silence, with my skin feeling volcanic, and a film of moisture forming over my palms. Pardon Mr. Darwin, but what about this would aid in my survival? Hmm?

In an article published on the National Centre for Biotechnology Information, they compiled results of the effects of frustration on the brain through series of tests. I would take their findings with a pinch of salt because as far as I’m concerned their subjects did not include a broad enough demographic. What I would agree with however, is that ‘temperamental differences play a role in coping’ with situations one finds themselves in. Where do you feel you fall, fellow human?

Frustration is expectation not meeting reality. When you wait for something to happen that you know will not happen but that hint of hope drives anticipation. This usually occurs when your wants battle with Gods predetermined plans for you.

Frustration is not being able to let the words out that can free you from the burning sensation in your chest. Almost like when you are trying to link a smell with a memory and you can’t figure it out.

Frustration is waiting for change in Botswana in the boiling heat. Wondering why out of all the countries in the world this one is your chosen home. Frustration is rising bills and stagnant income.
However, frustration always comes before the life changing achievements. 

Ntsoaki, South Africa

Mama’s cheeks pushed her eyes into crescent shapes, exhibiting a smile before a laugh that was so contagious that I, in the state I was in couldn’t help but smile and laugh when she did. She used to say that Angelo and I were similar in a number of ways and perhaps that’s why she saw my building frustration as something to smile about – she saw a piece of her son.

I eventually resigned to the fact that ‘quedar’ was not worth all this; and I was beginning to sweat! With ‘bein, iré contigo’ (alright, I will go with you), on the tip of my tongue, she took a hold of my forearm and gently shook it. “Aah- quieres quedar?”(Aah- you want to stay?) barely managed to make its way through her laughter. My laugh was a cocktail of the effects of her laughter, tension leaving my body, and why ‘negro-shades’ tickled me so much.

Still holding my arm, she looked up at me, smiled, and said we should go downstairs for breakfast. I was able to smell the coffee brewing now – Cafe Duro, mi favorito! 

Some believe that we all have our own fate, and it’s up to us to seek the answers from the Higher Power we believe in to guide us, while others believe they are in charge of their fates.
Have you ever pushed for something and it just wouldn’t come together the way you anticipated it would? I feel herein lies the split between asking “what are You trying to tell me?” and “why can’t I get this right?”. One steps outside the self to investigate their environment for answers and opportunities, while the other remains fixated on the self. In my previous post, I mention briefly that it’s in our nature to be social in order to survive, so it’s important that we have the wisdom and discernment to know who and what is acceptable in our lives for us to move forward.

Frustration can also just be a sign that your life needs a little shaking up. Brene Brown, in her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ she unwraps a state of mind called ‘Wholehearted Living’. I understand it as treating yourself with care and that your growth, through courage and compassion, are paramount.

Frustration looks, and feels like a lot of things. May you recognise what shape it takes in you.

 

A huge thank you to those who submitted their perspectives toward this post, y’all give me the warm fuzzies, and I appreciate you.